Mary's grief: Happy New Year Baby Girl!

Saturday, December 30, 2006

Happy New Year Baby Girl!

My baby girl last year on new years day I remember your happy new years message. My heart will ache so much on this day for more than one reason. First of all because your not here with me and I miss you so much, It will feel as if I’m leaving you behind in 2006. Strange I know that I should feel that way but it’s as if I am struggling to hold onto anything including the year that had you in it. I Love You if there is any way give me a sign you will still be with me in the New year. Love Now and Forever Mommy

2 comments:

Anonymous said...: Mary, I have been thinking of you knowing how hard loss must be during this season. I tried to find the site, but was not able until I found the correct archive at the ethesis blog.

I can understand how a new year can make you feel like you are leaving your baby behind. I had a friend who had to move a long ways where his little girl who was about three was buried. He felt like he was leaving her behind.

I plan to stop in again soon. I will be thinking of you.; December 30, 2006 at 10:01:00 PM CST
Marysangel said...: Thank you so much Barb good to hear from you again. Hope you have a wonderful New Years. Life has been tough without my little girl. But I'm doing my best to be strong and do what she would want me to. Take care til we speak again! Mary; December 31, 2006 at 1:05:00 AM CST

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Her undying Love!

Today I was thinking of my Angel and what the new year brings, when out of nowhere came a feather from an Angels wing. The time I had spent thinking she was floating just above, telling me from Heaven of her undying love. In the New Year Beginning she did not want to see me cry nor let a day go by without seeing my smile. No fear or darkness envelopes me now for I know that in this day. New Year is a beginning then from up above is my Angel and her undying love. By Mary S. Castillo Angel's mom

HAPPY SWEET SIXTEEN BIRTHDAY MY ANGEL

Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you Happy Birthday dear Angel Happy Birthday to you. Mommy loves you and is thinking of you today in so many special ways. I miss you daily and am doing all I can to get the word out to help others. Do you remember your 5th Birthday I do, I remember you thought you were not going to have a cake and candles. You gave so much when you shared your home with the other kids coming into our life. That was your first Birthday with them you thought we were not going to celebrate because we had the other kids. I will never forget the joy and tears in your eyes when I brought in the cake with the candles lit and we sang happy birthday. This was supposed to be your best Birthday ever this Sweet Sixteen day but Heavenly Father will have to take over for me today since I can’t be there in person with you. Just know your in my heart today as always and never will I be without you as close as a thought. Today I will be celebrating in sprit with you for you were the most beautiful person in my life and always will be. I Love You! Love Mom

Thanksgiving Day!

Today is Thanksgiving, I’m thankful for the time I had with my beautiful baby. Thankful for the smiles, love and joy she brought into my life while she was here. Today is the first holiday without her in the world and I’m praying that somehow she knows how much I love her and how thankful I truly am for her. I’ve chosen to endure this day alone so as not to bring any sadness to anyone else’s day, I knew it would be hard to hold back tears. I’m envisioning her having this day in heaven around a table full of all the foods that she enjoys so much. Praying heavenly father hugs her for me, tells her I love her and how very thankful to have had her as a part of my life and that I’m thinking of her today as always.

The loss of my one true Angel

Explaining the day I found my beautiful little girl laying on her bedroom floor is like a nightmare that never ends. She died on August 8th 2006 that morning I woke with a great feeling to a beautiful day, normally I'm not a morning person, although she was. That morning was different it was like her spirit had come to me to say hey wake up sleepy head, something she would do often when her health was in tact. That day soon turned to turmoil once I entered her room and found her laying in her bedroom floor. From that point on I've longed each day for her little hand holding mine. My one true Angel the joy, laughter, smiles and love these are the just some of things I miss. Only 15 years I had with her all to short for one life. I lost the most precious gift of all my one true Angel. Will my grief ever end or am I doomed to live in it til my one day's end?